frankallen Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Hi all, I need a little help with my script if you have any ideas i would appriciate it . The script i have come up with is as follows : " Horsham superbowl is more than just bowling " " We offer Laserquest, pool, bar and nightclub as well as bowling" " At horsham superbowl we offer entertainment for the whole family with exellent deals all year round that will not break the bank " " open daily from 10am til late " " Why not give us a call on horsham 01403 274642 Thats 01403 274642 and book a lane today " Thats as far as ive got so far the alley offers corperate and group booking and also childrens partys The nightclub is called the cameleon club Its still a work in progress and any help would be gratefuly accepted Many thanks Frank http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutish Sailor Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 You got to have some pun with a cameleon ESPECIALLY since it sounds like Chameleon. That's a given, its just not going to attract attention otherwise. KNSJ.org / 89.1 FM San Diego Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutish Sailor Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Something like," tired of the everyday lifestyle? Come change that shade at the cameleon club" maybe some bowling puns as well? horsham superbowl offers fun that's a STRIKE for the whole family with excellent deals to SPARE the bank Horsham superbowl is your one stop for knocking down pins (not that clever) I would also ad more of a picture in the listeners mind for a multi use Club.... But thats just me. Something they can say (yes I can picture myself doing) We also offer Laser quest adventures, pool action, barside drinks, and nightclub dancing. 4 or 40, the Chameleon club blends in for all your needs, childrens partys to group bookings. KNSJ.org / 89.1 FM San Diego Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankallen Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 Thank you sir, some great ideas there to jazz it up some. I will have a play around thanks again Frank http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutish Sailor Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I edited that last line, didnt sound right when I said it out loud. KNSJ.org / 89.1 FM San Diego Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arfa B Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 :voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover: If I have helped you with a Freebie- please be kind enough to add a link from your own site or blog to mine- thanks! http://arthurburton.net Thank You! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankallen Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 :voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover::voiceover: Thank you kind sir that sounds pretty awesome Frank http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Baabaa Productions Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Hi Frank I had a play around with Arfs great read and have come up with the attached bit of fun. Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankallen Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 i like it very much great job i have also put one together with arfs work but now im tied for choice. submit them both i guess . Here is my finished product using arfs work. Thanks again hopefully i will get paid for this and will in no doubt be shareing the profits Regards Frank http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildun Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Here's my rendition rewrite of this. Hope it helps. Paul Are you just sitting there? ??? Then get up and check out horsham superbowl! We offer entertainment for everyones goal. Full entertainment, second to none, If you wanna do it, then lets have fun! We entertain families, make no mistake, We got it all, people say wow say it's great! If you're just sitting there, then lets go! Open from 10 am, till you say no! If you love bowling, Dial 0143 274642 to book a lane! Again that's 01403 274642 to get a reservation, Get out, have fun, lets get it done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBVoice Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 The only thing I suggest, normally commercials don't have imaging FX. Generally they have a music bed and the voice. Maybe some voice fx here and there. Just a suggestion -JB Jon Bova "Successful people have libraries. The rest have big screen TVs. - Jim Rohn" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankallen Posted June 16, 2009 Author Share Posted June 16, 2009 coool thanks JB i will play around some more and see what i come up with. Thanks for the input Frank http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GKIye Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 ok .. here is the Belgian contribution a :30 cut with the voice of Arthur Visit and listen @ BW ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankallen Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Thanks so much Pilipe great job http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Baabaa Productions Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 As regards imaging on adverts its horses for courses. I have done many ads with imaging, many with just a backing track and many with voice only. I think this one lends itself to the imaging being included as they bring the words to life and they help paint a picture. Mark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankallen Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I tend to agree, After listening to both ideas imaging fx in this case add a little excitement and " wow come on lets go " kinda vibe to it. Although without fx it sounds good to, but more toned to a conservative ear prehaps ? Thats just my take on it. Thanks for the comments and help guys Will let you know how it wokrs out. Regards Frank http://i.imgur.com/qrEUBH7.png Check us out http://www.itsjustradio.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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