Your advise on a script please.

[frankallen]

Hi All,

 

I am writing a script for a pitch and putt commercial. This is what I have so far and would appreciate your feed back.

 

Goff’s Park pitch n putt is an 18-hole course, open to people of all ages and abilities,

It is a fantastic way to relax, enjoy natural surroundings, breath and connect with how you are feeling. All while trying not to rage out when you hit a crappy shot.

The course is open seven days a week, from April to Sept. Closing time is around dusk, with last tee off time usually around two hours before dusk.

Why not come and enjoy a fun game of pitch n putt? It’s a great chance to chat about the great and small mysteries of life in between swatting at a sometimes infuriating little white ball.

Goffs Park pitch n putt open daily for more information and prices visit www.facebook.com/goffsparkpitchandputt or give us a call on 01293 532824

 

Cheers

 

Frank

[saint]

Does the golf course have a pro shop - pub or eatery ? You might want to toss that information in there as well if they do.

 

I would leave this part out

" All while trying not to rage out when you hit a crappy shot. "

 

Just my two cents worth good sir

[frankallen]

Thank you muchly sir, I wasn't sure about that part either but i think your right to leave it out.

 

Here are a couple i have put together The second one has the refreshments info added on. which do you prefer? i would like something a little more upbeat but im having troubles finds any suitable backing for it although i did find this one that i thought might go well. Any ideas ?

pitchnputt prod.mp3

putt putt golf.mp3

putt putt music back.mp3

Edited March 18, 2015 by frankallen

[saint]

I like the first two. The time length is a bit long - you might want to squeeze it down to 30 seconds if possible.